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Five Things a Man Needs to be in a Successful Relationship
publication date: Jun 20, 2009
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author/source: Elliot Katz
By Elliott Katz  Brian is sensitive and tries hard to please Beth, but when there’s a problem that needs to be dealt with, he seems oblivious. When she asks for input on a decision, he says, “It’s up to you.” He wants to be nice but he doesn’t realize he’s frustrating her. I understand why Brian is unsure of his role. Like a lot of men these days, I received so many messages on what a man in a relationship should be, I was bewildered. Every few years, the media tells us new ideas about what a man should be. For a while there was “sensitive new age guy.” Then there was “metrosexual” and advice that men need to develop their feminine side. I’ve heard married men advise younger men that the key to a happy marriage is: “Yes, dear.” I’ve received emails filled with jokes that ridicule men—like what’s the difference between a man and fine wine? Wine matures. On television, we’ve gone from Father Knows Best, where the father was a wise caring man who could do no wrong, to Homer Simpson, a buffoon who can do nothing right. Does Homer actually influence what people think a man should be? In a recent survey in Canada by the research firm Ipsos-Reid, more than 25 percent of fathers aged 18 to 34 identify with Homer Simpson when they’re talking to their kids about a difficult subject, and almost 20 percent of adult children in the same age range associate their own father with Homer. With so many confusing ideas, I started looking for insight on what a man should be in a relationship. I read books on marriage. They didn’t say anything to me. My journey led me to learn the timeless insights that fathers and other older male role models would teach younger men – admirable traits such as emotional strength, leadership, decisiveness and responsibility, the traits women told me they wanted but felt many men today lacked. Today’s absent father, either from long hours of work or divorce, means many boys grow up without a strong male role model. This may explain why many women are frustrated with men and why there are so many single women who won’t “settle” for today’s men. (It may also explain why many women give my book Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants to men to help turn them into Mr. Right.) Here are five important lessons I learned on my journey for insight on what a man in a relationship should be: Lesson #1: Show leadership If a man wants to be seen as worthy and have a good relationship with a woman, he has to show leadership. When he sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations. We don’t admire those who stand back and wait for others to solve the problem. Some men avoid taking the lead because they don’t want to be criticized. They think they’re playing it safe. A man should say, “I’ll handle it,” and take the initiative to find solutions. If he’s not sure what the solution is, do what other leaders do—consult the many sources of information available. Lesson #2: Make decisions One of the meanings of the word “manly” is being decisive. A man needs to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. If he’s reluctant to make decisions, she may resent him. Part of making decisions is understanding the other person’s views and being flexible. She doesn’t want someone controlling her, but she also doesn’t want someone who leaves every decision to her. A man who is afraid of making a wrong decision should ask himself: “Who should make decisions?”—someone who isn’t afraid of making mistakes. Lesson #3: Take responsibility Don’t do things you know are wrong and then blame others. If you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions. One of the meanings of the word “husband” is someone who skillfully manages his household. A manager takes responsibility. There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman for something that has gone wrong. He’s often still held responsible. People often say, “He’s the man. Why did he let it go on?” A man has to look at himself and see how he can change his own actions to properly handle similar situations. Lesson #4: Be strong A person who is strong is someone who can control his passions. Blowing up in anger can seriously damage a relationship. If a man thinks he can’t control his anger, he should imagine being angry at someone, the telephone rings and it’s his boss. Would he calm down? Of course, or he’d lose his job. Not getting angry doesn’t mean he accepts bad treatment; he calmly sets limits on the treatment he accepts from others. Lesson #5: Be manly Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one’s convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear. To women: Ask your husband to read this. To men: If after years of watching Homer Simpson, you haven’t heard these ideas before, ask your wife if this is what she wants. You may be surprised at her response. About the Author Elliott Katz is the author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man (available in bookstores and online from www.Amazon.com), Women give the book to men and say, “This is what I have been trying to tell you all this time!” E-mail:ElliottRKatz@aol.com Website: www.BeingtheStrongMan.com |
