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How to Problem-Solve With an Angry Person
publication date: May 15, 2009
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author/source: Tristan Loo
In order to reach a viable solution with an angry person, you need to collectively brainstorm with them. Separate yourself from the problem and focus on the problem at hand rather than the person. This will ensure objectivity in the conversation. Here are four additional tips when brainstorming for ideas.
Involve them in the process
One of the biggest areas of conflict when discussing options is when they reject your options outright because they feel that those options are yours and not theirs. Instead of giving them a list of options to choose from, let them help you in discovering possible options that could work. Hold back on providing your own list of options until you have brainstormed ideas with your counterpart first. By involving them in the process of inventing options, you will gain their compliance in accepting the options that are generated.
Openly welcome criticism
It’s our nature to defend our ideas when someone criticizes them. This causes conflict to occur. Instead, invite criticism and feedback of your ideas. Ask them if they see any problems with your ideas, or how they can improve it. Think of your ideas as a research paper you have written and you are giving it to your counterpart to edit and provide their fresh perspective on it.
Ask for advice
A facilitator does not have all the answers. No one does. Nor should anyone expect that a negotiator has all the answers. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with asking your counterpart for advice. Perhaps they have training, experience, or education in a particular area that you do not. By asking them for advice, you are acknowledging their expertise in a particular area and it is also a form of flattery. They will be able to provide you with a fresh perspective on the situation for their angle and it will enhance the relationship by making them empathize with your own position.
- “What would you do if you were in my position?”
- “What would you suggest I do?”
- “You are much more experienced in this area than I am—do you have any advice that I can use?”
Build on their ideas
When the other side suggests an idea, work with it by building on that idea, adding or subtracting pieces of it, and molding it until that idea becomes the best option it can be. Just because you might not agree with an idea at first, does not mean that the idea can’t be improved upon. Now is the time to start exploring those ideas.
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